Italian irish relationship jokes

The Official Comedy Central UK Site | CCUK

italian irish relationship jokes

Comedy Central Jokes - Irish Eats Italian - Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?A: Gaelic breath. Spicing up our St. Patrick's Day menu with a bit of Italian won't hurt, will it? special love-hate relationship between Irish and Italian Americans. And that, my friends, is how Italians do business. Englishmen - God bless them - should not mess with the Irish. Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?.

Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, you're too drunk" Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk" The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing. They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal! The first one out the door at 2: Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.

italian irish relationship jokes

Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot. Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away. Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing. The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed. When the reading was 0.

Why Italians should reclaim St. Patrick's Day

One night, he's at the bar and he gets extremely drunk. He tries to stand up, but immediately falls to the floor. He tries this a few more times, but each time he falls to the floor.

People offered to help him, but he said no each time. He finally ended up dragging himself home and sneaking into bed, thinking his wife would never catch him. Patrick's Day to the Italians might change the complexion of the holiday just a teensy. The special love-hate relationship between Irish and Italian Americans 2 The Colesseum in Rome already lights up in green for Saint Patrick's Day and the Italian flag is similar to the tricolor as it is.

"The Irish" - Russell Peters - The Green Card Tour

If the Italian influence were reflective of the Italian side of my family, every float in the parade would be filled with people shouting, talking with their hands and arguing about whose garden produced the best tomatoes and whose mother is most saintly.

In addition to encouraging everyone to drink, Italian holiday organizers would be guilting them into eating. Instead of green beer, the bar would be lined with glasses of red wine. I'm not sure painting faces red instead of green would be a good idea because then people would just look embarrassed.

And probably for good reason.

  • 33 of the best Irish jokes
  • Joke #6053

The bar circuit on an Italian St. Patrick's Day would not allow for barhopping, but would require you to go to the watering hole where people from your ancestral region were celebrating.

Ethnic Jokes set 6

If you were of Calabrese descent and went to a Tuscan bar, an evil eye malocchio curse might cause you to choke on your Campari.

And there would absolutely be more Masses.

italian irish relationship jokes

Oh, and forget your friends. Just use your fingers like we do. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Do you have perfume in Canada? No, WE don't stink. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.

Can you sell it in Canada? Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them.

You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? Yes, but you will have to learn it first. Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Florida Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25, years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of m.

From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35, years ago already had a nationwide optical fibre network. Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of m but found absolutely nothing.

They concluded that the ancient Irish 55, h years ago were an even more advanced civilization, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place. Submitted by Audrey, Emmitsburg, MD.

33 of the best Irish jokes | Australian Writers’ Centre blog

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across? Paddy staggered home very late after an evening with his drinking buddy, Mick.

italian irish relationship jokes

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Bridget. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

The bottle of "Jameson" in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and stumbled his way to bed.