Is my relationship fizzling

is my relationship fizzling

After spending about six years in two consecutive, serious relationships, one of the first things I noticed when I got back into the dating game. You may still love each other as much as you ever have done, but the spark and excitement in a relationship can fizzle out over time. Dr. Lisa Firestone explains what prompts a lost connection in relationships and what to do when the spark fades in your relationship.

Some couples are deeper into fantasy than others. Most people fluctuate between moments of being truly close and moments of substituting fantasy for real love. By recognizing the degree to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating, you can challenge negative habits and patterns, and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship.

is my relationship fizzling

On March 20, I will be hosting a CE Webinar on The Fantasy Bond, which will present a model for an ideal relationship that combines emotional closeness and sexual intimacy, while each partner maintains a differentiated and individuated sense of self.

In the meantime, here are a few key ways to identify if you are in a fantasy bond and how you and your partner can go about changing it. Loss of Physical Attraction — When we form a fantasy of fusion with another person, we tend to eventually lose some of our physical attraction to that person.

Relying on someone to take care of us or looking to them to complete us puts a heavy burden on our relationship. When we view our partners as the independent and attractive individuals they are, we can keep a fresh level of excitement and affection for them.

is my relationship fizzling

Rather than driving us apart, this separateness actually allows us to feel our attractions and choose to be together. Think about the state people are in when they first fall in love. They are drawn to each other based on their unique attributes. Their individuality is viewed with interest and respect, qualities we should aim to maintain even decades after being with someone romantically.

6 Telltale Signs Your Relationship is Fizzling Out

Letting yourself go physically or mentally — When we reach a level of comfort in a relationship, we may tend to care a little less about how we look and how we take care of ourselves. We may be more likely to act out without regard or consideration for the ways we not only hurt our partners but ourselves. We may gain weight or engage in unhealthy habits, drinking more or exercising less.

is my relationship fizzling

They are often ways of protecting ourselves from sustained closeness. They often serve to shatter our self-esteem and push our partners away. They also tend to have a deadening effect on our relationship, weakening our confidence and vitality.

Failing to share activities — Early on in our relationships, we are often our most open, excited to try new things and share new adventures.

What to Do When Feelings Fizzle Out

Failing to discuss problems, big or small, is a terrible mistake. While most of us are under the naive impression that avoiding arguments is healthy, ignoring the obvious flaws in your relationship is even worse. The more you push those annoyances and irksome issues down, the more they will bother you and destroy your relationship. In fact, research from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology recently found that the odd argument can do more good than harm.

Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship

The idea is that speaking out about issues you may have in the relationship helps you to solve them quickly. Those days are, sadly, gone. And then, the flame burns a little dimmer.

No one wants to feel as though their significant other is no longer attracted to them. So, it stands to reason that if either one of you is lashing out during arguments, something is going terribly wrong. It can provide stability, trust, respect and contentment which are all essential to building a strong, lifelong relationship. Have you recently been acting differently towards them?

Have you been distant, distracted or standoffish?

6 Telltale Signs Your Relationship is Fizzling Out

You may be giving them the signal that you are no longer interested and they are responding accordingly. Have they been acting differently, recently or for a while? What is the source of this shift? There are a number of things you both can do to bring the excitement and passion back. Be intentional about going out to some of your favorite dating spots. Do little, sweet, sentimental things for each other that you did at the early part of the relationship that remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

You can also bring the fire back by being active together. There could be a number of factors interfering with passion including stress, medication and financial issues.