Love and relationship articles fear

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Based on Fear Rather Than Love

love and relationship articles fear

There are plenty of fears that keep you from relationships, but you can overcome them. relationship advice you've read about dating and finding true love. This guest article originally appeared on Why. Could you possibly be afraid of falling in love? Watch out for these telltale signs, and finally free yourself to attract a genuine, loving relationship. Fear of intimacy leads to people avoiding or even sabotaging as the fear of sharing a close emotional or physical relationship. . If it is your loved one who is coping with a fear of intimacy, you will need to Article Sources.

No matter what the timeline, the story of lost love is one most of us can tell. The answer for many of us can be found within.

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Based on Fear Rather Than Love

Whether we know it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love. While our fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt. These defenses may offer us a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep us from attaining the closeness we most desire. Real love makes us feel vulnerable.

A new relationship is uncharted territory, and most of us have natural fears of the unknown. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We are placing a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel exposed and vulnerable.

Fear of Getting into a Relationship - Tapping with Brad Yates

We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt. New love stirs up past hurts. Old, negative dynamics may make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new.

Many of us struggle with underlying feelings of being unlovable. We have trouble feeling our own value and believing anyone could really care for us. While these attitudes can be hurtful, over time, they have become engrained in us. As adults, we may fail to see them as an enemy, instead accepting their destructive point of view as our own. When another person sees us differently from our voices, loving and appreciating us, we may actually start to feel uncomfortable and defensive, as it challenges these long-held points of identification.

With real joy comes real pain.

Love and Fear

Any time we fully experience true joy or feel the preciousness of life on an emotional level, we can expect to feel a great amount of sadness. The opposite is also true. We cannot selectively numb ourselves to sadness without numbing ourselves to joy.

Love is one of the strongest emotions — so of course it's going to conflict with the male imperative to "stay in control. A relationship that actually engages a man's emotions … well, that's a challenge, and a scary one at that. In fact, it's so scary that a man may actually be in love for quite some time before the realization hits him — usually like a ton of bricks. So suddenly there's this huge, formless force bearing down on him, and this initiates the fight-or-flight response.

There's a lot of individual variation as to how strongly this reaction sets in, but set in it does. Fear is something that's managed, not overcome. The fight-or-flight response is sometimes called the fight-or-flight-or-freeze response. Think "deer in the headlights. Moving in spite of the fear is managing the fear. For instance, if a man is fearful of love, he tells himself to move forward with the relationship in spite of the fact that it scares him.

The love outweighs the fear. Eventually, when the sky fails to fall, the fear gradually disappears. You can't hang around waiting for the fear to magically go away; it has to be challenged.

7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love - PsychAlive

The flight or freeze options are dropped in favor of the "fight" option — and what he's fighting is the fear. When a man is overwhelmed by emotion, he will quite often disappear from the radar and retreat to his cave. That's because he's instinctively feeling the need to withdraw from the fray in order to elicit a calming antidote to the stress of the relationship.

He may go fishing, he may go out to a bar with his buddies to blow off steam, and he may just sit in front of the TV and watch some mindless sitcom. These actions take the pressure off and renew his ability to cope.

love and relationship articles fear

If we use an analogy here, you might say that when it comes to dealing with emotion, men have a coffee cup to fill, while women have an Olympic-size swimming pool. Once the coffee cup is full, it's full, and has to be absorbed into a man's life experience before he can go back for more. Women often say to me, "Everything was great — we were communicating regularly, spending time together, nothing bad happened — so why did he drop off the planet?

Some guys have it down to hours, some need days, and some need more. This tends to put a woman in a place where she's left thinking that the guy doesn't care, he's lost interest, there's another woman, etc.

The more time that goes by, the more likely she is to become convinced that the guy's just gone … until he suddenly emerges from the underbrush acting like everything's just fine.

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So he's processing — why does that mean that he can't just pick up the phone and say, "Hey, everything's fine, I'm still alive? And also because there's probably not a man on the planet who believes there's such a thing as a short call with a woman.

love and relationship articles fear