Relationship Type 6 with Type 9 — The Enneagram Institute
1 | Page. Enneagram Love Relationships. Contents. Type 1. Type 7. .. 6 | Page reaches out for emotional contact while the Five withdraws and disappears. After people learn their own Enneagram type, the next question I invariably Type compatibility is more about similar levels self awareness than it is about Woman is Type 7 (Enthusiast) However male Type 8 (Leaders) were more often found with female Type 2 (Helpers) and female Type 6 (Loyalists). Enneagram Type Six (the Loyalist) with. Enneagram Type Seven (the Enthusiast) In intimate relationships, the same balance pertains: Sevens are the.
Nines, on the other hand, are usually trusting and unquestioning, sunny and easy to get along with. They are optimistic and steady, offering support and non-threatening acceptance.
If Sixes tend to see the exception and to focus on complications, Nines tend to see the general and to focus on what will work without problems. This couple gets along well, greasing each other's wheels and adding just enough gas to the mix to keep them moving forward together. Change, when it comes, is slow and methodical. Both tend to see themselves as simple, regular people and do not feel special or exempt in any way.
Both bolster the other's confidence through their solidarity with each other. They are generous with each other and do not crowd the other or make special demands. When they find a relationship such as this, it usually feels like they have found what their heart has been seeking and their dream has come true.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues Since Sixes and Nines find it very difficult to say what is actually on their minds and what they really want for themselvesthere is a great tendency in this relationship to clam up, to be silently stubborn and defensive, and to make the other person guess what is going on.
Sixes are the good girls and boys of the Enneagram. The worst fear of a six is to suddenly discover she really is a bad person. In reality, a six typically never harms a fly. A six does not like things being hidden or covered up. Paradoxically others may get the impression she is hiding things, because she confuses herself to the point that she really has no idea what she feels and wants. She feels pressure to give the honest report about how she feels and thinks about things. And she feels the same urge to know the real and honest status of the other.
There is almost a compulsion to report and be accountable. A six will avoid telling it all if she foresees conflict. A six hates it when someone is mad at her.
It stirs up a lot of fear. That same fear is what underlies her need to report. She will avoid conflict at any cost, for she fears not being able to cope and she feels she will be in the hands of the perpetrator. She does not want to feel like a puppet on strings. An unfree six idealizes safety, and absence of conflict.
All in order to avoid being put on the spot, and experience fear. A Questioner will also ask questions because she does in fact avoid being sure. For if she is sure, she can be put on the spot and made accountable. She prefers placing the responsibility on someone else, whome she makes her authority. In this inner logic, being sure makes you liable to exclusion from the group. It feels like a threat of being left alone.
In reality, a six longs to contribute to the group. She wants to be able to stand up for herself and take authority, but her fear holds her back. Sixes look to knowledgeable authorities to guide them, hoping to escape fear, doubt and indecision. A six may ask all her friends for advice, and then feel even more confused, contrasting all the new information. She will listen to, and then question, authorities, because this is a way to avoid being the authority herself.
Work is the sensitive area for a six. To her, work is a sense of community. More than anything else, she wants to feel she is at the right place, and with the right people. To have found that right place, where she can really flow and pour the best she has into it, is a sixes dream of fulfillment.
And since work is so dear to her, the six has an extra hard time making job decisions. Unfree sixes are very worried what others think of them. This wanting to be liked is always serving the deep seated need to be safe.
Until a six accesses her own power, and finds her limits, she will be very dependent of the approval of others. Her need to be normal, fit in, be like the other kids, is fueled by the longing to belong somewhere, somehow. A six wants to be safe, and comfortable that is her inner nine child. Sixes also have an eye for quality. This always has to do with being comfortable and safe. They like status, which is also a form of safety seeking.
You can hide behind your title or your position, for lack of authentic authority. Communication If you are a six you rely very much on verbal and written communication. And you believe it can solve most things. You simply do not imagine people would hide things, for you believe everyone wants all cards on the table, like you do. A six tries to have a clear communication with people.
If she does not succeed, she thinks she is not being clear enough. And tries to clarify things, communicating more. Sixes dislike vagueness and covering up. They want clarity and honesty and that is what they offer.
Only when afraid of an angry reaction, will a six bite her tongue. Most sixes feel uncomfortable with things being hidden, covered up or unnatural. Sixes love jobs where they communicate. They love to listen to people, and help them sum up what is important to them. They are out to clarify. Or to clearly convey things that inspire them to others.
A six also loves it when others care about what she is trying to communicate. Clear communication is a sixes idea of a great relationship. If you are a six you like to explore reality.
If you find that your partner in conversation is covering things up, pretending, or just playing with words, you will get bored and not see the point to the conversation.
When communication breaks down, it is very stressful to a six. She needs to find out what happened and make sure all is clear, before she can let it rest.
Type 6 | The Enneagramexpert -
If there is anger, or merely lack of clarity, she cannot really drop the issue. A six feels more uneasy than most around people who are angry and discontent for reasons that are unclear to her. When a six is afraid in a situation, she will typically lose her ability to communicate clearly.
Which feels like a great loss of power to her. The focus of a six is very here and now, and she will find it difficult to draw on experience in a tense situation. Instead, she may start an investigation based on what she feels here and now and get quite lost in a thinking that confuses her more than it clarifies. She needs to allow herself to drop down and relax, before she tries to respond. When fear takes over she may experience confusion that may intensify into an experience of black out.
Once she grounds herself the information she needs will again be more accessible. Looking for know how As a head type, sixes rely on ideas to feel safe and capable.
A six wants to know how things are. A positive idea or theory that she feels is authentic and will stand the test of time, will make her feel safe and good. Ideas that make her uncertain or that are negative make her afraid. What mainly makes a six afraid, is the idea that she lacks know how. It is not a realistic knowing that others may know more. Rather, it is a fantasy of know how more substantial than your own, that others supposedly possess.
A can-do attitude, positivity, shared value in work and competence, goal focus, efficiency. To reduce the emphasis on minutiae and correctness. To moderate the intensity embedded in judgmentalness. To make time for the relationship, pleasure, and relaxation. Take time to slow the pace and encourage the Perfectionist to do likewise. Allow in more receptive force. Pay more attention to details and underlying principle. Make time for the relationship, pleasure, and relaxation.
A cycle of escalating conflict and blame can materialize, characterized by complaint and counter-complaint and even withdrawal. Neither then feels supported or worthy and both feel estranged and alienated, which ultimately endangers the relationship. What to Appreciate in Romantics. Depth of feeling, uniqueness, creative flair, idealism, empathy for others and especially those who may be suffering. Appreciate more of what is good and positive rather than what is wrong and negative.
Disowned emotional fluctuations, difficulty accepting constraints and ordinary aspects of life, disproportionate idealism, a tendency to focus upon what is missing or lacking in the relationship, sensitivity to criticism. Practicality, conscientiousness, commitment, holding to convictions, striving for improvement, attention to detail. Cultivate practicality, restraint, and steadiness even in the presence of strong feelings. Accept criticism as positive and not a reflection on self-worth.
Stay present and in a state of gratitude for what is. Encourage Perfectionists to express desires and acceptance. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts While both types share the qualities of restraint, control of feelings, rationality, self-sufficiency, and respect of boundaries, these same qualities represent challenges in communicating feelings and desires and for connection.
The Observer tends to retract and withdraw as a protection against the perceived intrusion. This, in turn, can invite further judgment and resentment or anger from the Perfectionist about what is wrong with the relationship and further angry retraction on the part of the Observer.
Both can turn silent and withholding, endangering the relationship. What to Appreciate in Observers. Work at sustaining non-judgmental and moderate engagement.
Your sensitivity to intrusion and criticism, an avoidance of feelings and charged issues, a tendency to withdraw or take superior position by judging in an intellectual manner. Restraint, practicality, self-reliance, dependability, high standards, striving to improve things and relationships as a form of care, attention to detail.
Move forward and embrace feelings and charged issues. Find ways to enliven the relationship, including the physical relationship. Encourage Perfectionists to live and let live and in the process, to become more accepting of differences in others. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Loyal Skeptics often work synergistically in the pursuit of making a better world and correcting injustice.
They are sensitive to each other and dedicated. A cycle of escalating conflict and blame can result when the Perfectionist becomes more critical and angry, feeling that nothing can make the Loyal Skeptic secure and certain. All of this can lead to pain and even disruption or an end to the relationship. What to Appreciate in Loyal Skeptics.
Loyalty, endurance, warmth, intellect, healthy questioning, sensitivity to real issues. Attune more to positives and encourage the Loyal Skeptic to do the same. Provide reassurance, not correction. Allow for more playfulness and lighten up.
Work at appreciating the differences between you. A disowned magnification of negatives and worst case scenarios, sensitivity to criticism, contrary thinking, a doubting mind, a tendency to mistrust, difficulty staying with pleasures. Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, dependability, desire for the best, attention to detail. Pay attention to all the questioning and doubts in order to become more trusting.
Attend to and savor positives and pleasures and encourage the Perfectionist to do the same. Accept criticism without magnifying it. While these contrasting qualities can complement each other, they can also lead to a cycle of escalating conflict. This can devolve into explosive outbursts by the Epicure and righteous fixed-position anger on the part of the Perfectionist.
Ultimately, this polarity can become intolerable to both types and end the relationship. What to Appreciate in Epicures. Spontaneity, enthusiasm, optimism, flexibility, future orientation, a fun-loving quality. Practice lightening up and letting go of judgments. Grasp the polarity in styles. Make pleasure a priority. Resistance to limits, avoidance of details and ordinary life tasks, tendency to rationalize and reframe, an inclination to be self-serving.
Self-control, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, practicality, industry, attention to detail and ordinary life tasks. Become more grounded in the present. Hear and even welcome negative feedback. Maintain a healthy pleasure orientation and encourage the Perfectionist to embrace more pleasure. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Protectors often join together in pursuing causes related to fairness, justice and shared interests.
However, conflict arises over their considerable opposite tendencies. When this interaction becomes polarized, it can lead to entrenchment, angry outbursts, withdrawal, and eventual destruction of the relationship. What To Appreciate In Protectors.
Strength, leadership, decisiveness, directness, exuberance for life, pursuit of truth, generosity. Become more spontaneous and appreciate this in the Protector.
Develop genuine flexibility, not just flexibility based on an internal standard. Stand firm regarding core values. Express your own desires and needs.
Develop comfort in expressing anger. Recognize and work with the polarity in the two types. A tendency toward excess, going from impulse to action, an all-or-nothing style of attending my way or the highway stanceinsensitivity regarding impact on others.
What To Appreciate In Perfectionists. Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, striving for improvement, industry, fairness, attention to detail. Practice moderating impulsivity and impact. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Mediators often join together in attending to detail and leading an orderly, steady life. Mediators, however, can feel criticized and prodded instead of encouraged by Perfectionists.
As a result, Mediators may end up feeling inferior. In attempting to please, they over-accommodate and build up stubborn resistance that annoys and frustrates Perfectionists.
A cycle of escalating conflict can follow, leading to further prodding of the Mediator, which creates a power struggle: This pattern is compounded since both types have difficulty knowing their real needs and desires.
Over time the relationship can deteriorate to extinction. What to Appreciate in Mediators. Flexibility, patience, acceptance, adaptability, steadiness, genuine care, empathy.
To build acceptance and appreciation of your differences. Develop flexibility and patience. Supportive structure, clarity, industry and effort, conscientiousness, improvement and fairness in orientation. Pick up your own pace. Take positions and make initiatives. Face anger and conflict. Type 2, the Giver, with Another Type 2 Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers join together in valuing a focus on relationships and in appreciating the nurturing quality and sensitivity to feelings in each other.
Having little awareness of their own needs, however, they may become overly solicitous with each other, compete for approval, and feel unappreciated, unfulfilled, and ironically unconnected. Failure to get into the natural flow of giving and receiving, can lead to emotional upset and to who is dependent on whom. Ultimately hurt feelings may then ensue leading to angry, emotional outbursts and ultimately to withdrawal or rejection.
There just may not be enough flow of giving and receiving to sustain the relationship. Relationship Development for Givers with Givers: Pride connected to giving leading to tendency to be overly helpfuldifficulty receiving, inattention to own needs, anger when needs go unmet or when feeling unappreciated, over-connection in relationships, and unhealthy focus on gaining approval.
What to Appreciate in Other Givers. Helpfulness, relationship orientation, genuine care and support, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to feelings. Express own needs and desires directly and encourage other Giver to do the same. Practice getting into the natural flow of giving and receiving. Conflict occurs when Givers experience Performers as discounting feelings and relationship issues, while Performers experience Givers as getting off task and wanting too much time and attention.
A cycle of increasing conflict can result with the two types polarizing — the Giver feeling rejected, getting emotional, and emoting anger and with the Performer feeling unrecognized and impatient and then disappearing into work. This pattern can result in withdrawal and eventually in alienation end to the relationship.
Positive accomplishment orientation, enthusiasm, hopefulness, efficiency, and material support. Balance relationship and goal orientations. Moderate shared characteristics of intensity, positivity, fast pace, and active force. Directly express own needs and desires. Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment.
Inattention to feelings, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for recognition, and shared focus of wanting approval and constructing a good image. Support and care, relationship orientation, generosity, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others.
Balance goal and relationship orientations. Pay attention to own deeper needs and desires.
Type Six — The Enneagram Institute
Type 2, the Giver, and Type 4, the Romantic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers try to satisfy the apparently needy Romantics, attempting to fulfill their needs. They can get caught up in the emotions and intensity of Romantics and lose their own sense of separateness. This cycle could lead to an unraveling of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, desire to keep life up, difficulty with deep and darker feelings, and need for appreciation, approval, and attention.
Intensity, relationship orientation, idealization of what could be, depth of feelings, empathy, and authenticity. Practice steadiness since both types fluctuate emotionally. Work on becoming more self-directed and holding ground, especially in the presence of strong emotions and dissatisfaction. Express own desires and needs. Remind the Romantic of what is positive and present.Enneagram Type 8 & Relationships ~ Enneagram Consultant.
Need to feel special, not feeling satisfied or complete resulting in fluctuating emotions, tendency toward self-absorption and amplification of feelings, and difficulty appreciating what is present and positive.
Giving and caring quality, positive image, enthusiasm, desire to bring happiness, active forward moving energy, and flexibility. Work on assisting Givers in referencing to their own needs. Show appreciation and gratitude for the positives in life and for what Givers provide.